Saturday, January 22, 2011

Mangominster 2011: Identity crisis

Hi pals! Momma finally got around to helping me enter MangoMinster 2011. I hope I am not too late. The hold up was apparently my original plans to enter the Good Ol' Boys category were dashed by my ill-timed experimentation with prescription drugs. Even if momma had not ratted me out I would never have passed the pee test. 
Does eating sports equipment make me a Bad Sport?

So I have had to re-examine the possibilities. It is a shame because momma always tells me I am a goodest old hound and I definitely have beds strategically placed - After all I have two couches, 1 people bed and 4 indoor doggie beds and 2 outdoor doggie beds. I did once eat some Beef Jerky but the fact that I stole it from the counter and shredded the package apparently makes more of a case for Bad Sport category!

    So I guess I have to embrace the bad sport in my goodest old hound self!
    Here are Mango's seven Bad Sports criteria: 
    1. Is every toy, bone, or bed on your estate YOURS whether you are using it or not?
    Uh... yeah! I have found I can only fit 2 or 3 toys in my mouth at once but that does not stop me from carrying them off and sequestering them from my hapless foster siblings!
    Plus when Tiny Hound was here and he would show off by 'retrieving' tennis balls for momma I would be sure to intercept them all one by one and take them back to my bed for the sole purpose of halting such shameful 'retrievering' displays. Really when you think about it I was doing him a favor...

    2. Do you bully the other fur kids in your pack?
    Was the phrase 'hapless foster siblings' not clear? The minute I find out they will not attack me then I am the BOSS! Here is Lucas cowering from my most intimidating presence! Plus I am totally guarding two tennis balls that I don't even really like so it is more evidence for criteria #1.
    I will even go so far as to make sure they know whose crate they are squatting in! Just because they are 'homeless' does not mean they can walk all over me!

    3. Do you hide foodables in your mouth even if you don't like them just so nobody else can have them?
    Hmmm... no comment as I am not sure what is not to like about any foodable. In my recent drug binge I did consume things (and ALOT of them) that I would not normally eat without cheese on them and momma accused me of only doing that because of not wanting Lucas to have them when he got home. I definitely do this with toys though... See #1 & #2 above

    4. Are all your stuffies beheaded or disemboweled? Ok... there are actually too many photos that show this. I however consider this a point of pride! I think it is an excellent way to impress lady friends or to strike fear into the hearts of new hapless foster siblings. I go on stuffie gutting sprees when they first arrive at the mooselodge. 
    Momma says that this is the stuffie version of #3 above since I play with stuffies until new kids arrive when I tear them to bits so no one else can play with them. Either way, I am pretty sure I could win stuffie gutting contests paws down!

    5. Do you already have a plan in place to bribe the bad sport judge or to stuff the reader's choice ballet box? 
    No... but  only because I don't need too! If you will check the records from last year you will see that I awarded first place Sporty dog to Fiona herself so I assume she will return the favor... (oh... momma tells me this is some kind of coersion or raketeering or something so I guess it counts! In case that fails I do have a somewhat compromising photo of her from last year's Key West sporty dog adventure. If I don't win perhaps I will petition her ruling on the grounds of drunkenness! Hmmm.... guess this qualifies as a plan, huh? So yes to #5...

    Plus lets not forget my exclusion from the 'Good 'Ol Dog category based on my use of performance enhancing drugs!

    6. In the absence of medical issues, are your potty habits still, ahem, relaxed?  Absolutely not- I really hope this does not disqualify me- I am a perfect pee-er and pooer. I only go outside no matter what except when I was very sick once. Not only do I poo outside but I poo in far corners or behind bushes where people won't step in it!  Momma calls my potty area of the yard 'poo corner'! I do occasionally pee on things outside that momma says did not need any pee on them, but I beg to differ!

    7.When your humans say, "come" do you just stare at them waiting for them to prove they have noms? Yuh, totally as Mango would say! I actually went to reform school for it for awhile before momma gave up!
    My latest version of this is where I am outside and I come and paw on the back door but stop at the door and snooter the air and won't come in unless dinner preparations have begun. If not I go back out and wait a few minutes and repeat until momma goes mad or gets supper ready. Why come in if dinner is not ready?!
    I do not want to question the wisdom of the Mango (except that makes me a bad sport right?) but he is such a goody two paws that he left out a most important thing... Kleptomania!

    I am a master of thievery and have even once cracked a vittles vault! I can reach at least half of momma's pantry and she can't even list all the things I have eaten off the counter! Then there is the can of cheeze whiz that I crunched into forcing cheesy goodness onto the old moose lodge's cathedral ceilings.

    So in conclusion... Please vote for me as top Bad Sport dog! I think you will agree that while I may not be the worst at every criteria I have them all covered pretty well. Ok except the potty habits one but I am a civilized dude!

    Wednesday, January 19, 2011

    I ate ate something... again

    file photo showing my medicine snack box
    Some of my long time pals may recall last year when I ate ate Bagels.... Well I did it again only not bagels. This time I ate ate pills! I don't see what brought on the federal case against me, I used to get them for my leg troubles all the time (they are delicious!) and yes I helped myself to them while momma was out but I do that all the time too and I just do my low tail wag and she forgives me. But this time she flipped out! (NB from Momma- he ate EIGHT 100mg Deramaxx pills- that is 8 days worth of a maximum dose of a medication that can cause serious problems for some dogs even at the prescribed doses!).
    See... I did not eat ALL of the medicines!
    See, she had left me at home with some paltry stuffed kong while she took Lucas for walkies. I finished my kong and as it was supper time I found myself still a bit peckish so I decided to forage a bit. It did not take long before I found my medicine box with some of my favorite snacks inside. (Approximate inventory: 8 deramaxx, ~ 50 fish oil caps, ~ 80 vitamin C and ~ 50 Glucosamine). Some of them did not taste the greatest but they were next to the other tasty ones and I am not the most discriminating of eaters. So after about 87 hours (30 min) she finally gets home from walkies and is all sweetness and light until she sees the empty box and she looked like she saw a ghost so she calls the vet and starts screamin' about how I ate ate there-am-ax.
    I am not sure what they told her but she gets this giant shooter thing and the brown bottle from the medicine cabinet and starts calling me outside with scary voice. You know the one where your people think they sound happy and excited but are not fooling anyone, least of all you? Ok, fine, I'll play along and I go outside and she grabs my beak and starts shooting some nasty tasting stuff down my throat- or trying to. Nope! Then she did it again. No dice, then again. Nope not a drop makes it in! Off we go to the vet which is like 87 minutes away (30 min). We get there and I get some eye drops (Apomorphine)- weird because I was not having eye trouble then I get to wander around the vet yard- I pooed a ton- no fun with momma the doc and this other lady all staring at me (I am a private pooer). They are apparently waiting for me to barf! I am not a barfer though so I wander around then I overhear the vet tell momma that if I don't then I am going to have to sleep there alone overnight with ivy fluid - no thanks to what ever that is! So I decided to barf, then all three of them were hunched over it with a flashlight counting. Ewww! Then I go inside get a needle full of some medicine and they stand around yammering then this giant shooter thing like the one momma came after me with at home comes out! It gets filled with this black stuff (activated charcoal) and I get wrestled into submission and am forced to drink this stuff! Even worse than the stuff momma was shooting at me!
    Then I get to go home but have to come back in the morning so they can make sure everything is still working right. I guess it is because I feel just fine now. I did get my momma up in the middle of the night for a most unusual potty break but otherwise it is all good!
    On the other hand momma was helping me get my Mangominster 2011 entry post ready for the Good Ol' Dog category but after these shenanigans she says I am disqualified from that category and will have to enter one of the other ones... I wonder which one it will be?

    Tuesday, January 11, 2011

    Epic Fail: Lucas & the Brain Game

    Although my new pal Lucas is gifted in the looks department he was not so lucky in the brains department! In fact momma thinks that he might have gotten lost on the way to the brains department and missed it entirely! So she thought she should see how he did with the Brain Game and last night she loaded it up with some kibbles and started the timer.
    Totally embarrassing display of a confused labbie being propelled around the room by his wiggling outboard motor of a tail for 6 minutes before it was emptied (it takes me about a minute!)! Single most embarrassing part? When he kept trying to eat kibbles out of Momma's hand with the ball still in his mouth!
    So tonight she loaded it up with cooked liver in case kibbles were not enough to make his brain work. You can see the video for yourself. It was heavily edited down to the parts that don't involve him parading around with the ball in his mouth with liver sitting untouched!

    Before any of you sappy types come to his defense and say he just likes toys more than food, he REALLY loves food like any normal labbie. It does not matter if it is a piece of kibble or a piece of steak, he will take momma's fingers off for the tiniest morsel of foodables. Plus no self respecting labbie would walk away from actual liver for some dollar store tennis balls that don't even squeak! And some of you might think that he is just a puppy but the vet says he is 6 or 7 years old! I am the first to admit that chewing on things is fun but why this guy is obsessed with eating momma's camera I will never know! He has been trying to eat it since he got here!
    Here I am knocking it out in no time flat!

    Ok... Momma uncovered footage from my first attempt and it took four minutes but I was totally handicapped at the time. My second try of the super advanced version took 1 minute!

    Monday, January 10, 2011

    My new pal (and foster roomie) Lucas!

    My bestest play pal ever, 'Tiny Hound' (aka Willie), went to his new home! I was really sad to see him go because he really knew how to play.
    Since I was totally bummed Momma took me up to Miamis to visit my girlfriends Swissie and Jetta. Not that I can't handle two ladies by myself, but I thought it might be fun to have a wing man so momma and I stopped and picked up Lucas on the way.
    Lucas is a homeless labbie that some nice people found wandering around and they wanted to help him so they called Lab Rescue to see if we could find a home for him.

    He is a fun guy for sure but like so many other foster buddies he is way more interested in momma than me.

    He does like to play with toys at least so maybe there is hope for him but if I try to tug with him he just lets go. No fun for me!

    Mostly he sits by momma and does his cute act and momma falls for it hook, line and sinker! She goes around snapping pictures of him every few seconds like he is America's next top model or something! She didn't even get mad when he chewed a hole in one of her shirts!

    Momma has assured me that I am still her so handsome boy and the goodest hound ever though so I guess it is ok that she is swooning over some new guy!

    Besides... I am still way taller than him heh heh heh...

    p.s. Yes, he is my new roomie until he finds his forever home!

    Wednesday, January 5, 2011

    (Almost) Wordless Wednesday: M-I-N-E edition

    Look Moose! One for each of us!

    Back off Tiny Hound, this one is mine!

    This one too. M-I-N-E Mine tiny hound!



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