Mangominster 2011: Identity crisis

Hi pals! Momma finally got around to helping me enter MangoMinster 2011. I hope I am not too late. The hold up was apparently my original plans to enter the Good Ol' Boys category were dashed by my ill-timed experimentation with prescription drugs. Even if momma had not ratted me out I would never have passed the pee test. 

Does eating sports equipment make me a Bad Sport?

So I have had to re-examine the possibilities. It is a shame because momma always tells me I am a goodest old hound and I definitely have beds strategically placed - After all I have two couches, 1 people bed and 4 indoor doggie beds and 2 outdoor doggie beds. I did once eat some Beef Jerky but the fact that I stole it from the counter and shredded the package apparently makes more of a case for Bad Sport category!

So I guess I have to embrace the bad sport in my goodest old hound self!
Here are Mango's seven Bad Sports criteria: 

1. Is every toy, bone, or bed on your estate YOURS whether you are using it or not?

Uh... yeah! I have found I can only fit 2 or 3 toys in my mouth at once but that does not stop me from carrying them off and sequestering them from my hapless foster siblings!

Plus when Tiny Hound was here and he would show off by 'retrieving' tennis balls for momma I would be sure to intercept them all one by one and take them back to my bed for the sole purpose of halting such shameful 'retrievering' displays. Really when you think about it I was doing him a favor...

2. Do you bully the other fur kids in your pack?

Was the phrase 'hapless foster siblings' not clear? The minute I find out they will not attack me then I am the BOSS! Here is Lucas cowering from my most intimidating presence! Plus I am totally guarding two tennis balls that I don't even really like so it is more evidence for criteria #1.

I will even go so far as to make sure they know whose crate they are squatting in! Just because they are 'homeless' does not mean they can walk all over me!

3. Do you hide foodables in your mouth even if you don't like them just so nobody else can have them?

Hmmm... no comment as I am not sure what is not to like about any foodable. In my recent drug binge I did consume things (and ALOT of them) that I would not normally eat without cheese on them and momma accused me of only doing that because of not wanting Lucas to have them when he got home. I definitely do this with toys though... See #1 & #2 above

4. Are all your stuffies beheaded or disemboweled? Ok... there are actually too many photos that show this. I however consider this a point of pride! I think it is an excellent way to impress lady friends or to strike fear into the hearts of new hapless foster siblings. I go on stuffie gutting sprees when they first arrive at the mooselodge. 

Momma says that this is the stuffie version of #3 above since I play with stuffies until new kids arrive when I tear them to bits so no one else can play with them. Either way, I am pretty sure I could win stuffie gutting contests paws down!

5. Do you already have a plan in place to bribe the bad sport judge or to stuff the reader's choice ballet box? 

No... but  only because I don't need too! If you will check the records from last year you will see that I awarded first place Sporty dog to Fiona herself so I assume she will return the favor... (oh... momma tells me this is some kind of coersion or raketeering or something so I guess it counts! In case that fails I do have a somewhat compromising photo of her from last year's Key West sporty dog adventure. If I don't win perhaps I will petition her ruling on the grounds of drunkenness! Hmmm.... guess this qualifies as a plan, huh? So yes to #5...

Plus lets not forget my exclusion from the 'Good 'Ol Dog category based on my use of performance enhancing drugs!

6. In the absence of medical issues, are your potty habits still, ahem, relaxed?  Absolutely not- I really hope this does not disqualify me- I am a perfect pee-er and pooer. I only go outside no matter what except when I was very sick once. Not only do I poo outside but I poo in far corners or behind bushes where people won't step in it!  Momma calls my potty area of the yard 'poo corner'! I do occasionally pee on things outside that momma says did not need any pee on them, but I beg to differ!

7.When your humans say, "come" do you just stare at them waiting for them to prove they have noms? Yuh, totally as Mango would say! I actually went to reform school for it for awhile before momma gave up!

My latest version of this is where I am outside and I come and paw on the back door but stop at the door and snooter the air and won't come in unless dinner preparations have begun. If not I go back out and wait a few minutes and repeat until momma goes mad or gets supper ready. Why come in if dinner is not ready?!

EXTRA SPECIAL ADDED Criteria #8
I do not want to question the wisdom of the Mango (except that makes me a bad sport right?) but he is such a goody two paws that he left out a most important thing... Kleptomania!

I am a master of thievery and have even once cracked a vittles vault! I can reach at least half of momma's pantry and she can't even list all the things I have eaten off the counter! Then there is the can of cheeze whiz that I crunched into forcing cheesy goodness onto the old moose lodge's cathedral ceilings.


So in conclusion... Please vote for me as top Bad Sport dog! I think you will agree that while I may not be the worst at every criteria I have them all covered pretty well. Ok except the potty habits one but I am a civilized dude!